I knew you were a new noob.

I wanted some change, so change I got!

New blog background, made by yours truly.

Yeah, I know it's nothing special, but I sort of like the sudden feeling of "BAM! NEWNESS!" I get whenever I see it.

Just sayin'.

Oh Darling

If you have not heard of Plug In Stereo, I'm here to change that.

You can thank me later after you've watched this video.

♥

Hmph.

I sort of miss my friends.

I hate how things change. How one thing happens, and then suddenly your friends are different.

I haven't had anything even slightly resembling a deep conversation with a gal pal in I don't know how long.

The sad truth is, I don't think they even care.

I can't talk about future plans involving marital stuff because they get "grossed out" and won't listen.

If I say anything at all nice about Ryan, I get attitude or mock revolt which I think is actually only partially meant in a teasing way.

No one outside of Ryan or my family knows about anything going on in my life.

No one outside of them knows what I'm thinking or what I'm feeling, really.

They don't know about any of my future plans or about anything going on at work.

They don't know what all I've been doing to grow myself up a bit.

They don't know anything about me anymore.

Maybe this is part of growing up?

If so, it sucks.

Small World...

"All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?" -The Beatles Eleanor Rigby

This song, though discovered only a few weeks ago, ALWAYS makes me think about how amazing fate really is when it comes to people.

It blows my mind to think that there is someone out there for everyone. Every single one of us has a "certain someone". What's sad is that some of us may never find that one, but still; They're THERE. I don't just mean boy/girl relationships, either. I'm talking about friends too.

As mean as it is, it doesn't actually seem possible for there to be someone for everyone. The honest truth is, it's hard to believe that the one person you can't stand has people that like to hang out with them. Sounds harsh, but am I wrong?

God is absolutely brilliant(totally dumb and obvious thing to say, i know). Think about it; Everyone has a different personality, and yet we can make friends. God gave us the abilities to get along with people, to socialize with them, to build relationships, and so much more.

He puts people in our lives for a reason. I don't believe that anyone is simply just "there". Every single person in your life is there to provide some type of influence whether it be good or bad.

If we have bad people in our lives, I think we should think of them in one of two ways. Either they are in our lives so we can help them or they are there to test us. It makes sense if you think about it...

This is sort of a botched up post, but oh well. Hopefully I've gotten a small portion of my thoughts out well enough to be understood.

Attention, anyone?

Does anyone read this blog anymore? I feel like I'm talking to myself, which seems to be a common thing for me lately...

POTATO!

FLATS!

MUSIC!

HUFFLEPUFF!

SNICKERDOODLES!

SUPERCALIFRAGILISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!

I totally just spelled that correctly without any help from Google...

Sigh.

Goodnight, world.

♥

Some thoughts

An interesting thought popped into my mind earlier today. It wasn't anything particularly mind blowing, but I found it worthy of a blog post. The thought was this.

"If I were to die RIGHT NOW, what could people say I had accomplished in life?"

It's such an intriguing thought! I'm only 18, but what all do I feel as though I've accomplished? What am I proud of doing? What do I want people to remember me for?

Is there anything that I've done that has inspired anyone? That's actually a really big thing for me; I want to be someone's inspiration. I want to be THAT person, the person you can look up to and go to for help, because you know that they'll ALWAYS be there for you. I want to be a good role model, the one who stands out because of the things I do. Maybe that's shooting a bit high...but then again, maybe it's not.

Would anyone remember me for being a good friend? How about for being a good Christian example? Would they remember the good things first or the bad? Would they first remember that I was a moody person? Would they, upon hearing of my death, instantly recall a time where I wasn't being the best I could be?

This is mostly just a post of questions, but I don't think that's a bad thing. Maybe we should all ponder a bit about things like that, about what we've accomplished and what we haven't. Life is simply too unpredictable and short to laze around and do nothing. I believe that we should get out there and LIVE as best we can. Live like there's no tomorrow, because you never know that there WILL be a tomorrow. We should enjoy what we have, but strive for more. No settling, no wasting time, and no regrets.

Ambition, people. The world needs more ambition.

"Hey Baldie!"

I am in love with The Dick Van Dyke show.

I love everything about it! I love the personalities, the time period, the clothes, the situations, the humor, the theme song...everything about it makes me happy.

I think my life would be close to complete if I were to meet Dick Van Dyke before he dies. At 84, he's still got every bit the charm that he did in his 30s and I actually really admire that.

So, meeting Mr Van Dyke. New addition to my life goal list? I'm thinking yes.

A Rather Secret Post

If my friend can be brave enough to post what she really thinks, then I can too.

Sometimes, I get depressed. I'm not talking "Oh, I'm down in the dumps today." I'm talking full out "Why me? Why am I even here?" days. On those days, life is seemingly pointless.

Sometimes I'll feel like I have no true friends; None that actually care about what's going on in my life. None that miss me while they or I am away. None that really NEED me.

Sometimes I'll feel super lonely and sad, just because I'm not doing anything. That's part of why I love working so much. It's something to do and it makes me feel useful and needed.

I often doubt my usefulness to others. I don't know why. There's just something inside my head that just makes me start second guessing my self worth. I have to have some sort of encouragement everyday that I am worth something, or else I'll start thinking emo thoughts or create crazy scenarios in my head.

"Would such and such miss me if I were to die? I wonder who would drop everything to come visit me in the hospital? Who outside of my family really cares about me?"

I know it's dumb to think any of those things. Heck, it's dumb to feel down at all. Not only do I have family and a few close friends who really do care for me, I also have a GOD who loves me more than I can ever know.

He needs me, He has a purpose for me, and He is always there for me no matter what.

I just need to be better at remembering that.

Friday, aka The Last Day

Today has sucked for 2 main reasons, one of them being I am sick. The other reason shall remain nameless. They should know, however, that they really let me down. Guess it doesn't really matter, but there it is.

I was in a crappy, disappointed mood for most of the day. It wasn't until my 8 year old cousin came over that I started feeling a little better. We did some crafts, made a video, and then I took a few pictures of her and my youngest brother being silly together.

Mom, who always tries her best to cheer me up, got Dad to stop by Taco Bell on the way home get some beefy 5 layer burritos for dinner. They were, of course, amazing.

After that, we took Harlee home(she had come over to see Jesse), then Mom, Desi, Jesse, and myself "window shopped" around Walmart.

I'm still not in a completely good mood, but whatever. Guess that's how life is. I need to get over my thing where I think I need people to make me happy, because that isn't how it is. People will always let you down, no matter what.

That is why I'm going to go to work until 4:30 tomorrow and I'm going to put all of my thought into my NEW best friend; Money.

This weekend is going to be lonely. Here's hoping that it will go by fast and that next week will be better.

Thursday

Work was boring. The most exciting thing that happened to me was that I spilled a milkshake on myself a little bit, and that was on the way home.

I miss my friends, even though most of them probably don't miss me.

I can't go tomorrow, and it sucks.

I want to get paid.

I miss Ryan a LOT.

I probably won't get to see any of my friends until Wednesday.

I want to sleep all through tomorrow and wake up Saturday morning.

Have I mentioned I'm not a big fan of Convention?

I'm in a lame mood. Goodnight.

Wednesday

Today is Wednesday.

It's my first day off after 6 days of working, and I got to spend it feeling like crap.

I woke up, I sat around, I watched a movie with Mom and Jesse, I talked to Ryan for just a few minutes, I had supper and an ice cream cone, and now here I am, fixing to go to bed at 10 o' clock.

Today has been boring, blah, icky, and tiring. I hate being sick and I miss my friends.

Tomorrow I go to work for 6 1/2 hours. Keep your fingers crossed that I won't feel as bad tomorrow as I have today. No one wants their burgers served with a free side of a coughing fit. =P

Side note: PLEASE let everything work out for Friday and that I'll get to see everyone(and ryan! squee!) at the awards ceremony! Please please please!

Tuesday

Ahh, today was a strange day. A strange day indeed.

So I didn't wake up until almost 1pm today, because I was feeling quite a bit under the weather. I had been dreaming of work ALL night long, my head hurt, I almost puked a few times, I couldn't hardly stand up, and I couldn't even eat the wonderful leftover ribs Mom offered me for lunch.

Anyways, after I took a shower, I felt a little better and started getting ready for work. I got to work, and after a while, I felt fine again. I did all sorts of jobs today, though mostly presenting(which is the person who hands the food out of the second window and is in charge of drinks and extra condiments).

Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I had a pretty good work day today. I got ahead of my crew quite a few times today, I only made a couple of very minor mistakes, and I kept my cool in stressful situations. I was so proud of myself, that once my shift was over, I rewarded myself with an m&m McFlurry. ;]

So now it's 11 at night, and I'm pooped. I'm pooped, and yet I feel like writing and staying up late to watch the Dick Van Dyke show. Guess that's what I'll do. Go me!

Monday

So. It's Monday. My dear Ryan mentioned something about me blogging as never before while he is away until Friday to convention. Since I'm just that nice(and because this could be fun), I'm going to try to do what I did last year, and write about my day, everyday, until Friday night. Will you get bored? Probably. Have I nothing better to do with my time? Oh, undoubtedly. Will Ryan appreciate this? Hope so! ;P

Today, I was awakened at 9am by the radio setting on my alarm clock. Let me just quickly throw in here that a buzzer alarm doesn't wake me up. A full blast radio that's right by my ear however....well, let's just say that I had a minor heart attack and was fully awake.

I got on the computer, as I normally do before getting ready for the day. I checked my email, checked Facebook, and checked blogger. There was NOTHING new on any of those sites, so my Internet interest was short lived.

As I was brushing my teeth, I started thinking about Ryan and how I'm going to miss him. I almost started crying...again. That would be the 3rd time today. I'm such a wimp! But at least I have a minty fresh mouth, right?

It's now 10am, and I'm going to get ready for work, seeing as I leave in 30 minutes. Yay me! I think...

So I'm back from work! It went like this.

Make fries.
Clean floor.
Make fries.
Run stuff out to people.
Make fries.
2 minute drink break.
Make fries.
Teach a woman how to make fries.
Get hit by a huge freezer door.
Make fries.
Go home!

Work is fun. I hope I keep on enjoying my job.You know what's funny? Whenever my crew starts to curse or just be guys(if you know what i mean), I INSTANTLY have For The Glory Of His Name in my head and I find myself humming it. Guess it helps to keep me from getting too annoyed at those who feel they need to curse over an obnoxiously hard order.

Anyways! I think the rest of my day will be good. Mom's making pork chops and homemade potato salad, I'm in some of my favorite pajamas, and we rented Mega Mind; Life is good.

The New Me

You know what? Having a job has given me a new outlook on life.

Even though I've only had one full day of actual labor, I am in love with the idea of working. I love the fact that I have to work in order to get what I want. I love the idea of goals and achievements that I can be proud of and work towards. I also love the feeling of independence.

One of the things that found interesting is how, while watching training videos for the umpteenth hour, I was hit with a sudden surge of realization. Now, let me get one thing straight; I have never in my life been hit with a thought so strong. This thought was more like booming words shouted at me from a friend. They were suddenly thrust into my mind at full volume, and my mind was set. The thought I had was this: I am not going to work in this burger flippin' joint for the rest of my life.

Though simple and probably seemingly unremarkable, that one thought really hit home. It also led me to start thinking about my future in a more serious way. When I got home that night, I was filled to the brim with a brand new attitude.

I want to change. I don't want to give anyone any excuse to call me lazy. I want to get a job doing something that I love, something that require talents, and something that people will remember me for. I want to be a person who will be respected and looked up to, though not in a conceited way. I want to be a role model of sorts, maybe a source of inspiration. I want to be a person that someone younger than I will look at and think, "I want to be as happy with my future career as she obviously is with her's."

I'm not going to settle for anything. From now on, anything that I want, I am going to work my rear off for it. Sure, I'll take things the easy way if it's necessary, but I now have this whole new part of me that wants to actually DESERVE what it is I'm working towards.

And to think I thought all this just because of some lame-o training videos.

Interesting thought...

I'll tell you what; People never cease to amaze me in non too pleasant ways.

Check out this article, then come back to this post.

You have read and heard correctly; Beckham openly admitted that he was using Jesus to portray himself. Does anyone else see anything wrong with that?

This is something that I've always felt very strongly about. I get a bad feeling whenever I see anyone comparing themselves to Jesus in a way other than trying our best to live like Christ.

I wasn't even a fan of the Passion of the Christ movie, just because I don't like the idea of normal people portraying Jesus. I understand that it has to be done, and it can be used to spread the Word of Him, but I don't know...it just doesn't feel right to me.

According to Leviticus 26:1, "Ye shall make you no idols nor graven image, neither rear you up a standing image, neither shall ye set up any image of stone in your land, to bow down unto it: for I am the LORD your God."

To me, it just seems as though having movies where an actor plays Jesus and getting tattoos of yourself as Him is sort of like creating a false idol.

Maybe I'm just being wacky about it, but it just feels weird to me. I don't feel that way when I see plays where people are acting out the part of Christ, but anywhere else...it just feels strange.

Anyone else have any thoughts on this subject?