It is impossible to get anything accomplished when you have a super cute distraction following you around("super cute distraction" being a kitten). You might as well give in and cuddle with the distraction.
Never underestimate the power of sleeping 5 more minutes.
Sometimes you'll find mysterious bruises on your arms and/or legs. Don't even try to wonder how you got them. You'll waste away trying to figure it out.
Never say, "Life is like a box of chocolates" because it isn't. Life isn't made from cocoa beans, it doesn't have a creamy filling, and it isn't something that can be eaten.
Always listen to Michael Scott. Always.
When planning a trip to India, be sure to pack toilet paper.
Don't ever try to change your looks in order to impress someone of the opposite gender. You'll only end up getting a) embarrassed. b) insulted. c) totally unnoticed. or d) all of the above.
Chuck Norris jokes are so last week. The new cool thing is to insert your own name in Chuck Norris's spot. "(insert name) is so fast, she can run around the world and smack herself on the back of her head."
Never insult a charging rhinoceros.
If the Sonic waitress asks how you're doing today, tell them the truth and go into detail if it's been a bad day. Finish by thanking them for bringing it up. The expression on their face will make it all better.
Don't pull a "Julian Smith" and make fun of someone until you are ABSOLUTELY SURE THEY ARE STILL ALIVE.
There's no need to act like being a stalker is a bad thing. If you signed up for Facebook, you signed up to be a pro stalker.
When you're at an "all you can eat" buffet, eat all the soft serve ice cream you can.
If you follow any of this advice, you are an awesome person.
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