Most people in life are lucky enough to meet at least 1 super special person in their life time. I'm not talking about crushes or spouses, I'm talking about best friends. And not just any type of best friend, I'm talking about the kind of people you love and know so much that it seems insane that you aren't related in any way. These are the kind of people that are always there for you, no matter what. They'll back you up(even if you're in the wrong), they love you despite your faults, and they can be 100% trusted. I had a friend like that, and her name is Jessica. We met waaay back in February of '06. That may not seem like so long ago, but it seems like forever to me. I was on the way to the last Homeschool Spelling Bee practice. Mom had told me that morning that I should try to make some new friends, but I kept thinking,
I already know everyone at the church, so who would I be trying to make friends with? Mom dropped me off and I went inside. They had already started so I looked around for a good seat. Where should the only empty spot be except right by a new girl who looked kindly nervous. I marched right up to her, sat down, leaned over, and said, "Hi, my name's Amanda." She looked at me and mumbled, "My name's Jessica." Really, it's amazing how those few words were the start of something absolutely wonderful. We didn't say much else until the person giving out the words said a word she didn't mean to say. I spelled the word she had said correctly, but they told me I was out. Jessica was suddenly saying to them, "Amanda spelt it right." The word-giver looked around and asked if that was true. Jessica kept nodding her head and so I was back in the game. We smiled at each other, and it was all good from there!
It's weird how when you first meet someone, you try your best to make a good impression. I was shy back at age 13, but I didn't want Jessica to know that. After spelling bee practice, we went outside, and I was going right up to people and talking about whatever came to my head. I was talking to the kids I usually didn't talk to, but with Jessica there, I felt like I needed to be more outgoing, because Jessica seemed shy herself(turns out that was a total false judgement.). Months went by, and me & Jessica were still becoming closer and closer. Every weekend, one of us would go to the other's house and we'd talk and play games and talk and take pictures. Oh, and talk some more. We would talk about everything, from shoes to how we wanted to die. Jessica was very emo, even then. She would talk about how stupid it was to kill yourself, but then she'd have all sorts of ways planned out about how you could do it. She talked about her funeral, she talked about death, she talked about weapons. Another thing she seemed obsessed with was weight. She was constantly calling herself fat and spouting off about how many carbs and calories where in such-and-such. When I met her, her family was really into eating organically. EVERYTHING was organic, from the chips to the mayo, to the cookies to the peanut butter. Everything was totally organic. Jessica would eat almost nothing at her house, but when she came over to my house, she would fill herself up with Pez and poptarts(which she was inclined to sneak home). But then she would go home and call me the very next day saying how she always gains 5 pounds when she spends the night at my house.
Another thing Jessica would always have with her is her scars. She had white lines all up her arms and on her thighs. We played soccer together, and when she was wearing shorts, you could really seem them. I had quite a few people come up to me and ask if I knew anything about them, and I would always say that I didn't. I used to worry about them, but eventually I just forgot about them, the scars becoming just another thing that made Jessica who she was. I was reminded of them again though when she was at my house, and she came out of the bathroom and her arm was bleeding right on top of a scar. I gave her a band-aid, and was asking her about it, but she acted like it was no big deal. My mom and I already suspected that she was cutting herself, but really, how do you ask someone about that? I know I should have just asked her, but it's so much harder when you actually have the chance to ask someone that question. So I just kept my guesses to myself.
Jump to February of '07. Jessica was having a sleep over at her house for her 14th birthday. Me and 2 other girls were invited, and it was really fun and we all had a great time. When we got tired, one of the girls fell asleep on the floor, and Jessica and her friend got on the bottom bunk of the bunk beds and I got the top. Jessica and her friend started talking about Jessica's problems, and I just started crying. She was a cutter and a bulimic, and her parents were FINALLY going to send her to rehab. We had a few more months together, and she left sometime in the Spring of '07. She was gone for SO LONG. I didn't hear from her again till August, when she sent me a letter telling me that she was in rehab and that she liked it. I was so glad to hear from her. She would try to call every Saturday, but even when she would call, we were only allowed to talk 15 minutes. Oh, did we make those 15 minutes last as long as we could! I remember getting really mad at Jessica one time, because I was trying to talk to her, and she put me on speak and was talking to all of her other friends, instead of to me. We only had 15 minutes once a week, and yet she was wasting our time by making me talk to people I didn't know. I forgave her, of course, because that's just how Jessica was. She was all the time getting me to talk to new people. I personally think that she is one of the reasons why I try to talk to as many people as I can. I think she made me make it a habit; Meet as many new people as you can before something happens.
Jessica finally got out of rehab and she moved to Boston, where she was able to start her life over. She started going to public school, she made tons of new friends, and she was more gorgeous than ever. Still, with all those new and exciting things, she still made it a priority to call me, her blast from the past pal, almost every single day. Everything was going seemingly good, until she called me to say that she was leaving Boston. She wouldn't tell me why, but I figured it was because she was going back to her old habits. We still tried to make the best of it, making plans for what all we were going to do when we saw each other(she was supposed to be moving back around Nashville with some family friends). We were so excited! We were both counting down the days till she would be in little old "Lay Flat". My mom, my #1 hero, drove me out to the jail(which is also a civil service building), and who should I see in the parking lot walking around: JESSICA! I was waving at her, and Jessica had this confused look on her face, and then she started smiling bigger then I'd ever seen. I jumped out of the van and hugged her. We fell right into a conversation, and it was just so great being able to see my best friend again. I gave her her birthday present(an Edward Cullen action figure), and she opened it up right there in the parking lot. We took a few pictures, and then she had to go inside. I hugged her one last time and told her to call my cell phone when everything got situated. She went inside the building, and I haven't talked to her since.
A few days later, I got a voicemail on my cell phone. It was from Jessica's aunt, who was there when I gave Jessica her birthday present. She left a very pleasing message, saying that it was truly a blessing for me to have came to see Jessica. She said that Jessica absolutely loved her present and that she carried it around everywhere with her for the rest of the day. She said that it meant so much to Jessica that I had showed up, because it was a really hard and long day. She also said that she didn't know where Jessica was now, but that if she knew anything she'd let me know. I don't think Jessica's aunt knows how much that voicemail meant to me. I was so glad just to see Jessica, but to get a voicemail from a woman I've only said maybe 5 words to, thanking me for helping Jessica's day be a bit better...well, that just made my day.
I still pray for Jessica every single day and night. She was the sister I never had, and I'd give anything to be able to help her more. I wish I could make all the bad habits that are hurting my best friend go away forever, never to return, but I can't. Only God & Jessica can do that, so I'm just going to pray that she has the strength to give that all up. When she finally gets better, I'll be here, waiting to give her and her Edward figure a great big hug.
R.I.P. BUTTERCUP. WE LOVE YOU!
