Peppermint.
That's all I could smell as Mrs Pump hugged me. Every inch of her 4' 9" self was covered in the scent, "overpowering" not even beginning to describe the strength of the aroma.
I knew from the second that I walked through the door that she had eaten the whole bag. I had always assumed that there was no way on earth that a human could eat so many round mints at one time, one or two being a natural maximum limit, but I was wrong.
The house reeked of the smell of peppermint. The living room, the kitchen, even the bathroom was filled to the ceiling with the scent. It was so strong it made my eyes burn. It was as if the peppermints were in the air, hanging around like some kind of quasi-air freshener.
Not only was it in the air, but the peppermints had also left their mark physically. The living room floor was covered in candy wrappers, all marked with the same brand and design of the peppermint company in which they were from. There was not a step you could take without hearing the crunch of a wrapper beneath your feet. But alas! It got worse.
The absolute worst part of it all was Mrs Pump herself. The poor woman, not normally a very hygienic person, was reclined in her chair, covered in wrappers and not yet eaten candies. She herself had eaten so many peppermints that she oozed of their scent. It was as if she were sweating peppermint from her pores, the smell was so strong.
I believe now would be a good time to explain why this bothered me so. It was once upon a time in a time not so far away that I tried my first ever bowl of chocolate chip mint ice cream. I had never tried it before, and being an avid ice cream fan, I was quite excited to finally experience what was sure to be a great bowl of dessert.
It started out with one bowl. I loved it. I loved it so much, that I had another serving. After that one, I decided that one more serving couldn't hurt anything. It wasn't until I had finished that last serving that I started to feel funny. My head started pounding, my throat felt swollen, my stomach weak. I was just starting to break into a sweat when I puked all the servings of ice cream all over the floor.
Did you know that puke can be pale green?
Since that lovely experience, I haven't been able to stand the sight or smell of peppermint the same way. Though able to down the occasional candy or York patty every so often, I simply cannot stand the sight of chocolate chip mint ice cream or even a minor scent of peppermint without feeling instantly nauseous. You can imagine how I felt being in this minty house; What you can't imagine is how I felt when Mrs Pump gave me a bear hug.
I was sitting in the kitchen, filling out paperwork, when Mrs Pump comes in telling me she was going out to run a few errands. Since she didn't know if I'd be gone by the time she returned, she signed her paper and then pulled me into a big minty hug.
My head had already been hurting from the putrid stench of too much peppermint, but it began to pound upon being engulfed in Mrs Pump's new perfume. Eyes watering, head throbbing, and throat closing, my gag reflexes were on the go, trying not to upchuck breakfast all over dear Mrs Peppermint...I mean Pump.
Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Mrs Pump released me and I was able to breath again. Was I alive? Had I really survived such an attack? Had I really managed to hold my breath for so long? She bid her farewell and walked away, the trail of mint floating along behind her.
That night, after I had took a shower and washed away all traces of my near death experience, I vowed to seek revenge on the person who gave Mrs Pump the bag of peppermints, and once I found them, I would make them eat buckets of chocolate chip mint ice cream, York patties, and peppermint candies.
The end.
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