I'm Old.

Growing up. Easily one of the hardest things there is to do in life.

Though only 18, I've already reached that point in life where I can tell I'm more adult than I am teenager. More matters; Relationships, careers, money, school, religion, people...all my views on things have changed.

Take people for example. My feelings and opinions of people have changed so much from just last year. It's when I'm around a group of preteen girls, who giggle nonstop and are obnoxiously stupid, that I realize how old I truly feel. I wonder, "Did I act like that? Did other people find me as annoying as I find these girls?" It makes me feel like such an old coot, but I can't stop it.

Then there's relationships. Not just romantically, but friendly as well. I'm less worried about keeping my friends as I was awhile back. Not because I don't want them around, but because I've come to know how much people can change in a short period of time, and I know that things can't stay the same. I'm learning more about who my real friends are and who are simply just there.

As for romantically, I'm more into taking relationships seriously than I was before. I want to get married, have kids, have a house. I want to find someone who will provide for me and my family, who will be a true man and be responsible. I want to take that next step into adulthood. That part of life doesn't seem to be coming anytime soon, though, so I'll continue to wait.

I've started developing my own opinions on all sorts of topics, religion especially. I'm more interested than ever in what God has in store for me and how He plans for me to get there. I'm more serious about further growing my relationship with Him. It's at this point in my life that I need to trust Him the most, though sometimes it's hard.

Before I would take free time for granted, but with work and school going on, I really appreciate my days off. I'm working towards a better future for myself, but it's so nice to have a breather every once in awhile to keep from going insane.

During work and school days, I'm the more serious side of myself, making sure I get my work done and do well in my classes. On my days off, I feel more like my old self, taking pictures and hanging with friends. It's sort of like living a double life in a sense.

This isn't a post of complaint. Simply a post of realization and acceptance.

I am old and that's ok.